I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im holly from the hills drunk
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
