I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
