oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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