I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
