Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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