i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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