Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My dick has a subreddit
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
