I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
