Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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