did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
