hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize