i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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