So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
