they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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