Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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