Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
