We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
