Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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