the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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