theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
