my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
