I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
