I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
