We're like a lot better than the average bears
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My penis needs a shock collar
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
