Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
