You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just want nice things and good sex
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
