My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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