Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
