I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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