I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
