I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
