I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize