o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
