I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
