I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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