I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
