I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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