I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize