Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
