she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
