I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize