We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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