seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
