At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
