If that was your dad, he is hot
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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