There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
