Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize