you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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