if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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