I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i think my mom watched the whole time
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
