I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
