You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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