I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
