Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
