i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
