i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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