Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
