I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we're making bets on your personal life
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
