I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
