I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
