was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
