Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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