when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
