Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
