I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
