you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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