apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
