Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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