I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
