I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
