When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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